A naive beneath the star..

Story.

2012-01-23T04:02:00.000+05:30

Listen to the silence.

They tell a story.

Story about you.

And, the people who left you.

Memories that haunt you.

In dark, cold-misty nights.

Nostalgia wraps its arms around you.

Sometimes comforting, sometimes suffocating.

You cry, you sigh.

You twist, you turn.
You smile, You laugh.
Then you remember,
There is a demon masked as an angel.
The one who groped your virgin skin,
Whose vile intentions,
Keeps killing you almost every night.

Reach for a razor, stick it to your skin.

Paint a new picture and

write the end of your story, your life.

P.S. That's not my hand.

2012-01-07T20:46:00.001+05:30

I don't know anyone anymore.. They all seem strangers to me. May be I am feeling a bit too alone? I don't want to be an attention seeker by posting this here. I am not okay.. It's been a month now. I can't even concentrate on my studies. I screwed all my exams. My college friends are great but they live really far(literally more than 50 miles away). My best friend lives in Croatia. I don't feel like anyone cares anymore.. Don't think that my best friend cares either.. I am just so stupid. I am crying and typing this over here.. Don't know why? I really miss people who were once with me.. Everyone.. Even the ones I met over internet.. I just feel left out. When internet is your only social life. Things doesn't seem right.. I miss Raed, Juan, Prince, Manish, Saket, Sergi, Jake, Jasmine, Neeraj, Pratish, Srishti, Anubha, Darren, John, Rob, David.. and a lot of people.. Sunakshi di, you'll get mad at me if you read this.. I am sorry.. I'm sorry, I'm hiding stuffs from everyone. I am self harming again. It's going really wrong..

"..Last breath.."

2011-12-24T19:54:00.001+05:30

I'm broken,

I'm shattered,

Plethora of emotions,

And, nostalgia,

Haunt me at nights.

Locked in my room in low lights,

I twist, I turn,

I don't know who I am.

I'm a truth,

I'm a lie,

I can never be something that you can hide.

I'm a mess but a little less,

I'm a freak, I'm sane.

I'm happy but in vain.

Slowly, I'm turning into a wreck.

My phobias are enchanting Euthanasia,

Another killing dilemma,

Give it all or give it up?

If I left, folks would start to gossip about.

Mystery of death,

And my last breath.

P.S. Eh, updating after 1 month.. :) Haha, I am still alive. My semester exams are on. I screwed up EM but Chemistry went awesome. I am a bit relieved today. Heh, sorry for such a sad post. :P But, Merry Christmas People. :)

"falling for you.."

2011-11-12T23:12:00.002+05:30

I'm falling for you,

'Know, this feeling is something new.

My eyes are all teary,

Oh, I'm sorry.

You never said you love me,

There's nothing that you can't see.

The reason why I breathe,

The reason why I still believe?

My heart keeps breaking,

to see the past fading.

I know, you won't be here,

We don't live closer either.

I'm falling for you,

From head over heels,

I'm being yours,

With every passing second,

I falling more and more,

in love with you.

But now, not anymore,

I am running after no one and being so sore.

And, everything you did was so special,

It was so warm like a winter cuddle.

I'm falling for you more,
than before,

Wish I had said "yes"
And, let angels to bless.

When you wanted me to be truly yours.

Happy 18th Birthday to me (:

2011-11-08T20:48:00.000+05:30

Haha, so, it's my 18th birthday..and it's going amazing so far :) I had a really good time at college. I haven't even thought that it would be so great :) I love my best friend. Hehe. He has given me the best birthday present o: And, this guy from my class, he bought me a present :P

I love my friends, family and everyone who has made it so special ^_^

Truth, secret and love (Answers of all your questions) part-2

2011-11-04T20:00:00.000+05:30

Love's in the comments that you had written, Love's in the time when my readers wanted me to join facebook, Love's in my one of the best-est blogger buddy, Raed who kept making me smile. I've found love in every word of the comments posted by you. Love's in my joy and my sorrow. Love's in my tears and in my fears.
Love's in going for a long drive at 6:00 AM with all my friends. Love's in the time I've spent with Tunesh, Prince, Saket, Pratish, Neeraj, Kishan, Srishti, Anubha, Divya, Ayush and all my class mates. Love's in spending 100s of bucks for samosa :P Love's in those crazy stupid fights. Love's in the memories of my school life. Love's in being scared of going to college. Love's in making new friends again at college. Love's in bunking classes ;) Love's in Kashyap sir's amazing Math class. Love is in being jealous of the butterflies of our class :P

Love's meeting Marko for the first time over internet in a dating site at 2 am. Love's talking to him for the whole night. Love's remembering almost every part of that conversation. Love's him gaining importance in my life. Love's telling him that I could never be in love even after knowing that I was crushing on him. Love's being jealous of his best friend. Love's him trusting me. Love's me trusting him. Love's when he fell in love with someone else. Love's me letting him fall in love with that someone. Love's when I told his best friend that I had a crush on him.
Love's me pretending to be ok. Love's him knowing that I like him. Love's he coming to me when he broke up. Love's the time when he made me to get MSN and facebook. Love's me and him having webcam chat for the first time. Love's the first word that he had uttered after seeing me.. Love's us doing international texting. Love's when he sang me the "owlcity song(The saltwater room)" Love's declining the fact that I love him. Love's still having the song that he had sung to me. Love's adoring him. Love to me is my best friend. Love's the reason I like owlcity so much.

Love's me being jealous and heart broken to know he's dating someone else again. Love's when he was cheated and wanted to talk to me. Love's me wasting all my phone credit to get online and cheer him up. Love's knowing that he can never be "in love" with me. Love's lying to myself that we are just best friends. Love's when I text him after being felt up by that creep. Love's him wishing that creep to die. Love's him wanting me to change my room. Love's him disliking my mum for the way she has treated me.
Love's him wanting me to break up with my boyfriend just because I wasn't happy and he was treating me wrong. Love's him not listening to me because best friends never do what you ask them to do. Love's falling in love with someone who lives thousand miles away. Love's being in relationship and still missing my best friend.

Love gave me strength to bring him back from coldness(darkness) Love brought us closer. Love tore us apart. Love's the fact that he is my only best friend. Love's the only fact that I'm his only best friend. Love's in writing poems for him(The best poem I've written till now with more than 40 comments was for him).

Love is the fear of losing my friends. Love is not wanting to go into relationship with my friends. If I go into relationship with you. I'll lose a really good and close friend of mine. The reason why I've been saying "no" and ignoring you is this. I do love you but I cannot be in relationship with you. I know you're reading this. I really love you but as a friend not as a lover. I cannot keep you happy and you cannot keep me happy. Love is all about making each other happy! :)

Love's is an inspiration. Love's everything that I want. Love's making videos for my friends and online friends. Love's the video that I've made for him. Love can make you want to cut your wrist 10 times. Love can make you to end your life. But, love is not a quitter. Love's hope. Love is you fighting reality, love is you fighting for everything. Love is that they saved you and Love is that you saved them ♥ Love is you hoping that one day you'd meet them. Love doesn't know distance. Love has always been greater than distance.

I have really amazing people in my life and I love them all. Despite the distance, Sunakshi di I love you very very much for being my best di(elder sis) ever. Shravan, Tony, Arjun, Raed, Ali, Alan, Jake, Randeep sir :P, Sergi, Hailey, Austin, Darren, Mark, Juan, Priya di, Garima di You all are really amazing.. and I love you guys.. and I'm sorry if I am missing anyone o.o.. You know that I love you :P

Secrets, truth and love(Answer of all your questions that you have been asking me) Part-1

2011-11-01T00:29:00.001+05:30

So, so, it's been ages since I've written anything personal on this blog.. been writing poems but they never made any sense. And, you all wanted to know that why I write such dark stuffs. Why I've been acting like this since past 2 years. I'm not lying but trust me, I wasn't knowing the answer either but now I know, and I'm not scared to write everything and anything on here. And like most of you have been thinking it since the beginning, it was "Love"

But, my version of "love" is a little different then yours. For me, love's my childhood memories that makes me smile, love's the sweet feeling that I had when I was in kindergarten and had a friend who used to share chocolates with me, love's when I used to miss him whenever he had missed the school. Love's passing by his old house and hoping to see him coming out of his house even after knowing that he has moved to another place.

Love's the time when I used to ask my mom to make me a drawing. Love's my dad picking me and my brother up from the school in his bike and buying us ice cream. Love's good, love's bad. Love's me wishing to disappear when 2 most important people in my life were fighting. Love's growing up. Love's learning. Love's wishing to be Cinderella, Love's having hundreds of ambitions at the age of 11. Love's crushing on my classmate. Love's crying at nights at the thought of your friends leaving the school and especially your crush leaving the school. :P

Love's my pokemon craze that I used to have. Love's aiming to be perfect at something. Love's looking at the childhood pictures. Love's seeing the pictures of my dadu(grandpa) letting me eat the whole chocolates. Love's me asking my parents to get me a rabbit or parrot again.

Love's the time when I met new people and made new friends, Love's the time when I and mom had tears in our eyes after knowing that dad has got diabetes. Love's when my heart started beating faster to see my senior. Love's me and him staring at each other at his fuel station. Love's me and him parking our scooties together.

Love's him leaving some space at the parking stand so that I could park my scooty right next to his. Love's waiting for him after school. Love's saying everything through eyes. Love's him and I staring at each other from our stalls and a romantic song being played in the background :P Love's seeing him in my dreams! :o

Love's when I got internet connection and I met a few people. Love's the feeling that I had when I met my uncle after 13 years.. Love's me meeting my aunty and my cousins for the first time. Love's me hugging my cousin brother for 1st and last time when he was leaving. Love's me hoping the time to stop. Love's when I missed my closest buddy's birthday for my aunty's surgery. Love's letting my little cousin sister ruin my drawing book.

Love's when my friends became sad to know that I have ovarian tumor(cancer)..(I don't have it btw, it's just a cyst, doctors had some confusion which was sorted out later) Love's when I saw my dad sad. It was love that made my dad sad. I cannot see my dad being sad. I would never like to see him sad ever again,

Love's the time when my best friend had wished to die before me.. Love to me is feeling that something wrong's going to happen. Love's when you get tears for no reason and it starts suffocating you. Love's when I wanted to go and visit her in the hospital but my parents didn't let me too 'cause they were too scared about me. Love's when me and other people were praying for her. Love's when we all wanted to give a few days from our life to her. Love's the feeling of relief that we had after knowing that she was recovering. Love's the time when I thought it was a joke when they told me that she had died.

Love's me trying to cry in the shower. Love's when I cried my eyes out when our school principal was talking about her. Love's the guilt that I still have in my heart. Love's me crying the whole day and not getting out of bedroom and not eating anything at all. It was love of parents when they didn't let me to go to her funeral. It's love which made me think that it was a nightmare. It's love that made me to start disliking myself and my parents.. Love helped me to move on. Love still brings tear in my eyes because I miss her. Love made me to write. Love's made me to create this blog.

Love made my mom to get mad at me. Yes, Love's the time when she was yelling at me. Love's the time when she's beating me so that I never choose the wrong path. Love's in spending time with my amazing pals. Love's in getting good marks at exams. Love's in every attachment. Love's in my school, my subject, my friends, my teachers, even in those road crashes that I have survived. Love's in turning 16, love's in writing, Love's in meeting people on here, love made me to try to kill myself, love has saved me..

Love can give you pleasure, love can give you pain.

P.S. It's not complete yet..will be posting the second part soon :)

"I am a wreck.." (Blog's 2nd anniversay)

2011-10-28T00:01:00.000+05:30

I'm a wreck,

I need to sleep,

I've been broken,

I really need to be fixed.

Been alone,

for far too long,

Been assassinated,

for someone's malevolent.

Joy fades away,

and sorrow grabs my hand,

I'm being ripped in a tug of war,

That never seems to end.

I'm chasing nothing

But running for everything,

I need to escape this place,

I really need to find myself solace.

P.S. Hello readers, I'm sorry for not writing more often..and still not being able to read your blogs. I'm not happy but then I'm not sad either. Oh, btw, it's been 2 years in blogspot.. Yup, I've successfully completed 2 years in blogspot and gained 183 amazing followers.. Thanks for reading me and encouraging me to write more through your mails. I was 15(almost 16) when I had started this blog and now, I'm 17(almost 18).. Haha, sometimes it makes me sad that I'll be no more a little kiddo.. Thanks for telling me not to lose hope and that everything will be alright, Thanks for all your love. I truly love you each one of you.

"..She doesn't cry.."

2011-10-12T23:05:00.000+05:30

She forgot to rhyme,

And learned to smile,

She doesn't cry nor does she die.

The words denied to dance on her tune,

'cause she has found something brighter than the moon.

"..sing me the lullaby"

2011-10-08T17:15:00.000+05:30

My past crawling my present,

My present healing my future.

I have promises to keep,

And a thousand miles to go before I sleep.

Sing me the lullaby,

The lullaby that my mother used to sing.

It gives me peace,

And It'll let me fall asleep with an ease.

Fascinating deep brown eyes,

Eyes that had never learnt to speak lies.

Escaping all the truths,

Going to chase every kind of silence that soothes.

"..Perfect Rhyme.."

2011-10-02T23:58:00.003+05:30

Joy tries to illuminate the sad reality in me,

There's something that no one else can see,

A glimpse of something sweeter than bitter truth;

Thousand souls are closer but not my ruth.

Trying to write a new story this time,

It's not necessary to have the perfect rhyme.

P.S. Hello readers, I am still alive. I am justt too busy with my college and stuffs. I am not feeling awesome but I am okay. Sorry, for not reading your blogs. :/ I hope whoever reads this, understands me.

"..Dysphoria.."

2011-09-15T20:13:00.000+05:30

Emptiness choking my breath,

Making me to lean towards death,

Couldn't see anything except the color black,

Always wishing for someone to come back,

Lost in fairy tale which I thought was true,

It's may be pleasing to see the shades of blue.

Was a fool to feel beautiful,

Sanity warned but insanity overruled,

Trust is gone, soul is dead,

I feel no pain even when my cuts bleed.

Being tired of heartaches, I may choose euthanasia,

It's getting hard to have dysphoria.

"..I don't know for how long I can stand this.."

2011-09-10T18:21:00.000+05:30

Drifting with winds,

Crying, singing, dreaming and living.

No complains but loads of pain,

Inside a naive little heart.

Slit wrist is nothing but the proof,

How he kept assassinating me,

and how I kept denying it.

P.S. See, I had told you. I can't stay happy. Bye bye Happiness. I miss you.

"..A new fairytale is about to begin.."

2011-09-04T14:55:00.000+05:30

Lost and broken, I was.

On that horrible and suffocating night,

I had decided to end up all my aches and worthless fight.

Sinking in tears, wishing to die.

Craving for a shoulder and a hug to feel home and cry.

I had met him before but I didn't know,

I had already sown seeds of love in his heart to grow.

He did care but I didn't notice.

While talking to him, I actually found peace.

Tears stopped and slowly the pain was going.

I fell asleep with neither bitterness nor cursing.

Next morning, I was in solace.

No more tears, no more aches.

We both were giggling and smiling like two little kids.

No one was being fake or hypocrite.

Innocence and love started growing more,

Neither of our hearts were sore.

He was knowing that I was falling for him.

I wasn't scared anymore to say, "I love you Tim"

Keeping my feelings only to me.
Denied everything that he wanted me to see.
At the end, I lost and love won.
We both were together before the dawn.
He chose me over everyone,
Despite the distance, he feels that I am the only one.
He is a prince and I am one amongst the ordinary girls,
He is so perfect that every pretty face twirls.
I have only loved and it's not a sin,
'cause no matter what you say but a new fairytale is about to begin.

P.S. Hello readers, yeah I am still alive :P Thanks for caring everyone, I am really fine. Your 17 years old poetess is no more a little kid. She has started going to college and she is loving it there. About the poem? Um, It's not sad :P You wanted a happy poem so here it is! Exactly how I feel so now you know that I am good and of course happy. :)

"I am truly a curse..." It won't really matter to me If you don't read the poem, it doesn't really make any sense I guess. I did a mistake and I should die instead of him. If anything happened to him then I wouldn't forgive myself.

2011-08-11T00:58:00.000+05:30

One scary night,

beneath the moon light,

I never wanted you to cry,

Nor to say good bye,

It was my grave mistake,

Your life was on stake,

It was a hex put on my words,

Didn't want a life of wizards.

I am truly a curse

I make things go worse.

This is the tuth,

You were my Ruth.

I am sorry, please come back once,

please come back and give me another chance.

P.S. Sometimes, you become so blind and selfish that you wish for stupid things like someone to leave. But don't do that because God can misunderstand you and He can take that person away forever from you and everyone. The person not only leaves you but he also has to leave the world.

Do me a favor and please pray for my friend? It was all my fault. I wanted him to go but not this way. It took me so long to understand that he was nice and sweet. If anything happened to him then I wouldn't forgive myself. It really sucks when you lose someone. He has to go through 2 surgeries. And there's 1/4th chances of him to die!

"You never lost and I never won.."

2011-07-31T15:33:00.001+05:30

Things which belong to me are-
Tears, wounds, bruises and scars.
Hatred and Betrayal kisses my heart,
Like a razor blade it tears me apart.

".Let me breathe, let me live, let me love..."

2011-07-30T02:54:00.000+05:30

I am bound in your fake world,

I have been dying,

Keeping secrets and been lying,

Trying to keep my head clear,

Haunted by you and your fear.

Death is fascinating,

I couldn't bear your hating.

I may paint a picture,

This time, I'll see no failure,

I know, I ain't flawless,

My wrist is my canvas,

And razor is my new brush,

I'll wait for no one, I am in real rush.

"..curse.."

2011-07-27T20:29:00.000+05:30

Lost in the crowd,

Hear everything so clear and loud.

Now, you are invisible,

'cause words are strong and you're feeble.

Walking aimlessly to somewhere,

Misty eyes couldn't help but stare.

Everything is wrong, nothing is fair,

Miss all the times when you were together.

Darkness seems more interesting than their light,

They won and you lost the fight.

Reached the point again from where it started,
Embracing loneliness, embracing hatred.

Screaming, crying and ending up worse,
You know it's nothing but a curse.

Knowing that you're falling into nothing.
Cannot fly 'cause you don't have those wings.

Where do I stand?

2011-07-20T20:47:00.000+05:30

You have them,

They have you,

I have no one.

You love them,

They love you,

I love you,

No one loves me?

When they cry, you cry,

When you cry, I cry,

No one cries for me?

"..You always wanted me to die.."

2011-07-16T00:40:00.000+05:30

You failed to see my tears,

You ignored all my fears,

You never hugged me tight,

You never said, "I am with you in this fight"

You never listened to my cry
you always wanted me to die.

This is just a random post. You don't have to read it. :)

2011-07-11T10:42:00.001+05:30

"..You meet a lot of people in your life but it will always be the same. You like them, you love them. They change and you hate them.."

I'll be 18 in 4 months. I don't want to be 18 :) I never wanted to 17 either. But it's not under my control. Nothing is under my control. I don't know where I am going to be. A lot of people ask me from where do the emotions come in my poems. And you know? I don't know it either. I just write. I write what I see, what I think and what I feel. I am different and weird. I get easily amused and I trust easily. It makes me sad when people die or something bad happens to them, no matter if I don't know them or they live 1000 miles away. People have cancer and other disease. And they'll die after few days or few months or few years but you can't help them. All you can do is hope, wish or pray. Every third person in the world is cutting/self harming. But I can't help them, not even "you" can help them. Some people are being disgusting. They are bullying in person and over Internet. People are committing suicide for being harassed. If anyone is putting a sad post on their blog or status in any social networking site then help them and if you can't then just keep your mouth shut. "Get a life before telling anyone that they should die." You are no one to decide who should live and who should die. There life is already terrible, they want to live so please don't kill them. I think this way which makes me more gloomy. I do not smile all the time but yes it's not difficult at all to make me smile since I easily get amused. One thing I have added on my hate list is "homophobes" I really hate them more than I hate liars and hypocrites.

2011-07-09T11:10:00.000+05:30

She came running through;

wearing no smile, wearing no shoe,

in dark lonely street,

with bruised feet..

She was scared,

and despaired.

A nightmare was chasing her,

Almost like , caught in fire,

Vile intentions burned her body and soul,

Manipulated her world, manipulated the whole.

"Sometimes"

2011-07-05T04:57:00.000+05:30

Sometimes it's better,

to keep your pain to yourself,

Sometimes it's better,

not to turn the pages from the past,

Sometimes it's better,

to stay quiet and wait,

for fate to show its charm,

Sometimes it's better,

to change yourself for someone else.

"Choco's blah, blah.." =)

2011-07-04T00:41:00.000+05:30

Tears might drown me,

but I am bound to do,

What is in my fate,

Yes, it's too late,

I've to pretend that I don't know you,

And I can't see.

"This fairytale has no happy end.."

2011-07-02T09:45:00.000+05:30

Long lost in fairytale,

She now has no where to run, no where to hide,
But she shall abide,

because she still has a heart of a child.

Insomnia kisses her every night,
Love makes her win all the fights,
No matter where he is,
No matter where lives

Her love would say,
Enchanting thoughts drifting away.
Fleeting words now make no sense.
She is numb, she is lost.

One thousand souls around her don't moan,
But she is still alone.
Neither her prince charm came,
Nor her friends are same.

This fairytale has no happy thought,
'cause she is tangled within the knot,
This fairytale has no happy end,
'till she learns to bend.

P.S. You know I hate hurting people. I am sick and tired of it. I try my best not to hurt them.. One year and 3 months of friendship but he still doesn't understand me and neither do I. I am the lamest person one can ever have in their life. I can never be happy nor I can make anyone. I am just so stupid, it's his birthday in 17 days and just like last year I have hurt him. I feel like I have come back again to the same time where I was all alone, where I wasn't knowing anyone. The only difference is that now I have no real life friends.

"She was dying in her own dream-world.."

2011-06-26T04:15:00.002+05:30

May be yes or may be no,

Sometimes high, sometimes low.

She giggled, she frowned,

She floated, she drowned,

in the river of mesmerising thoughts,

and millions of doubts.

Yes, she was scared to face the world all alone.

She couldn't help but just moan.

Pretty painful to see her dreams shatter,

For many it wasn't any matter,

She screamed, she cried,

Nothing was her pride,

They were all lost in pretty insane world,

While she was dying in her own dream-world.

"..your mem'ries.."

2011-06-09T03:37:00.001+05:30

Wide awake at sleepy nights,

Your mem'ries left me with misty eyes,

Love is me, love is you,

The distance between us is never few.

We are meant to be,

May be yes? I can see;

Shadows speak about lonliness,
But your mem'ries bring me solace.

When you smile,
My world stops there for a while.
Your mem'ries give me strength to survive,
Because of you I'm still alive.

There's a lot of pain deep inside,
There are hundreds of secrets that I'd to hide,
You are not here, you are not near, I cannot reprise;
'cause all I have is your mem'ries.

P.S. umm to be honest, I really didn't like this one :/

This was supposed to be a mushy poem! :( But I wrote about me x_x

Ting Tang Tag!! :D

2011-06-06T04:06:00.000+05:30

Hello there~~

So I am tagged by two people. Madhumati and Selenium :3

So yesh this post is all about me :) Thank you for the tag ^_^ I was really willing to do a tag actually so yippeee here I go!
Tag #1
By Madhumati
*My favourites*

Food: I love food LOL. I really can't stay without chicken and fish V_V I love spicy Indian food and chineese food. :)

Colour: I love a lot of colours o.o.. Black, blue, white and purple are my all time favourites :)

Sports: I used to play cricket with all the guys and I used to cry and call my mom when they never used to take me in their team lol and at nights I used to play football with my dad :)

Dessert: Pastries and chocolate ice creams XD

Artist/Singer/Brand: Secondhand Serenade, Owlcity, Jarrod Matthew, NeverShoutNever and I forgot :(

Pair of shoes: I wear heels(since I am short) and also I like belly shoes and other shoes LOL! :D

Outfit: Eh you'll find me more in jeans and capries and leggings sometimes. (No one wonder why they call me tomboy!! o.o)

Accessory: I really don't like these stuffs at all -_-" but I wear earrings, a bracelet kinda thing O.o and a locket(I am forced to were that locket and bracelet)

Fav place: Home, Cad-B and Schooool. I miss school :(

Hobbies: Writing, blogging, drawing, texting, reading. :)

Beauty product: Lip balm and eye liner and that too sometimes :P

Snacks: Maggie and Ramen :3

Movies: Don't have a favourite but I prefer watching, funny action movies and romantic ones are okay. :P
-That's it-
I am tagging:
Kelvin
Sankoo baba
Suruchi
Ayu
Selenium
Prams di

Tag #2
By Selenium

RULES:
*Each tagged person must post ten things about themselves*
*You have to choose and tag ten people*
*Go to their blogs and tell them you tagged them*
*No tags back*
*Have fun*

Ten Things About Me:

I am very random o.o
I say "I love you" to everyone LOL
I love saying "is" as "ish" and yes as "yesh"

I am in a long distance relationship :O
When I see any couple kissing then it creeps me out o_e
I am 17 and I still hate talking or listening to "mature" and "vulgar" talks.(It creeps me out seriously. I even cried once when my friends where talking about it :P)

I am a slowpoke x_x
I don't get creepy messages from anyone because I never understand them!! :|

Friendship means everything to me and also love O.o
I get suicidal thoughts all the time which is not good. I have already tried to kill myself 5 times!!

And the tag goes to:
Ali
Hailey
Madhumati
Valli
Riya
YAM
Sawan
Nofairytale
Angel
Pavitra

"Pleading silence.."

2011-06-05T02:42:00.000+05:30

The winds are screaming,

The sky is crying,

The pleading silence is tearing apart.

This pain in heart,

will never end.

Lets walk together with hand in hand,

I won't be scared,

I won't be harmed.

The world knows,

How life goes.

People be fake,

And put someone's life on stake;

They don't know how it feels,

When someone you care fail to stand to your deals.

Morning hopes die with darkness,

And the moon brings a peculiar calmness.

Should I shed a tear,

Or fight back my fear.

"..fairytale.."

2011-06-01T04:11:00.000+05:30

Secrets are to be shared,

Wishes are to be made.

It's a new hope, new day,

Never imagined my life this way.

The story of my life cannot end,

because my fairytale is about to begin.

P.S. I am neither happy nor sad. I am just in a weird mood. Would you consider it a poem? O.o Ohh well, it's just some random lines that popped in my mind because of my boyfriend.

*hugs*

"Molested"

2011-05-27T16:10:00.001+05:30

Lived a nightmare few night backs,

Revolting hands that touched,

Me all over, was no one but someone

of my own blood.

Disguisting feeling kills me everytime.

And whenever I remember that night,

I move away from light.

My soul burns and screams in pain.

Vile intensions almost ate me up.

Secrets deep burried in my heart has started crawling up,

Reality that has ugly truth haunts me,

Where is God, Where is life?-I can't see.

I still remember the night when,

I was touched by those hands.

The touch wasn't of love;

Trust me it was lust.

A bit unconcious but still aware of the things,

I woke next morning, crying.

I did tell my mother, but she didn't believe.

She said, "Its all your fault,

You don't have manners to sleep"

My heart ached so badly; I thought,

And I think I have no one.

Such a disguisting feeling,

keeps assassinating;

It won't stop, untill it's done.

I did try to hug death,

But I failed.

The ugly face behind the innocent smile

Is still veiled.

P.S. This is not a fiction, not a thought but just an ugly truth.

P.P.S If you have any questions about this then I am sorry. I don't want to answer any of your questions. Not everyone's life is beautiful as yours. Not everyone can be happy like you.

"Questions about my decisions.."

2011-05-27T03:16:00.001+05:30

Black and White?

-a story, a bit old.

He has coloured my world

and now I know what is love.

If he's to walk a million miles

then I'll wait a million days,

to see his smile.

Spending sleepless nights with his memories

in my heart.
Distance cannot make us apart.

Finally reality is better than dreams,

and looks like life gleams.
Funny- how soon he became so special;
His laugh- the music of my soul.

He says-"I love you to death"
It takes away my breath.
Destiny knows the end of this fairytale.
The story of me and my prince charming.

Still not sure, what's wrong and what's right.
I am so not here to win a fight.
He gave me a smile,
that I am wearing right now.
Did you see it or find it,
adorable somehow?

You have to be me,
To gain understanding.
You'll find all the answers of the,
Questions about my decisions
and on my relations
that you've been asking.

P.S. To be honest -__-" I really cannot write mushy poems anymore. And yeah I didn't like the poem at all. Its 3 am and I am damn sleepy!! Ohh! I forgot to tell you guys. I am in a long distance relationship now. So yeah the poem was all about me and my boyfriend :*3

P.P.S. Just check out this amazing girl's poem and her "blog". Her name is Ali. She writes really well and I promise you. You won't regret following her. She ish simply awesome. :)

Sergi

2011-05-23T12:31:00.001+05:30

I am sorry sergi.. I cannot stop thinking about last night. You are my friend and I really care for you. Please try to understand. I love you Sergi. You are equally important for me like my other friends. Try to understand, Friends are meant to share everything; joys, sorrow and everything. I cannot be happy to see you sad. I wasn't laughing at you...I didn't call you immature. I did say naive but it was in a good way. You are really sweet. Please don't go away? =/ I am sorry that I've hurt you but I didn't mean to do that. I want to tell that you are not alone. I go through the same stuffs and may be worse than you! Take care Sergi, I want you to be happy =]

"Suffocation"

2011-05-21T19:54:00.000+05:30

Alcoholic eyes have too much cried,

Being evil to this evil life,

Thousands of questions,

Still lingers in her mind,

Clouds playing with the moon,

And stars twinkling in sky.

Pretty is the view,

Ugly is the world.

Impregnable soul, locked in a car;

Screamed, "choke my breath,

Kill the pain."

No one listened,

No one cared;

Her eyelids getting heavier,

Life getting closer,

To a mere relief,

She never had any belief.

She did make her confessions,

But still she died of suffocation.

(Image Source)

P.S. hey there! Sorry, I haven't written a nice poem in a while :) I've tried to write this one. I hope you all like this. I want to thank this person, Lee Josephine. He has been sending me email from the last couple of days :) I am really happy to know that some people still read my blogs :P I was thinking to quit :P But the emails made me smile and made me write another poem. Thanks a lot Lee. ♥

"..she might end her life.."

2011-05-17T12:30:00.000+05:30

Here she is again with,

Hundreds of thoughts,

in her mind and

a slight pain her heart.

The past is past

but it has left some scars.

Sorta broken heart today

but She can't just runaway.

Quilling in blood,

And walking aimlessly in Graveyard.

Born with a cursed soul,

still trying to find a simple role.

Drenched in weary thoughts,

she might end her life,

and cut her wrist with a knife.

"..confused about the title.."

2011-05-15T18:13:00.001+05:30

Often tried
and always cried,
No one was there,
when I used to fear,
My fate's been cursed,
I have realised..
No hopes, only denials,
No existence for my pals.
I've become a mere past,
My name on their heart will never last.

P.S. hello there ^_^ I'm back and I'm seriously not in good mood.

2011-05-02T00:42:00.000+05:30

Just can't speak my feeling out,

Hundreds of stuffs I still doubt

My existence a mere mystery

sleepless nights and silly fights,

has been a part of my life.

Never thought this would happen,

No tears to hide, no courage, no pride.

Distance creating differences

between us;

empty promises and empty heart

falsifying dreams tearing us apart..

"..pages from my dairy.."

2011-04-22T03:47:00.000+05:30

6 April 2011

15th day in hostel and I cried few hours back. Not because I miss home or my family. This place is more like home. Uncle and Aunty are really sweet. And Srishti, Anubha and Divya treat me like their little sister. Actually I cried because it's been more than 3 days and Saket is neither replying to my texts nor to my phone calls. I am worried and I feel like may be he or his family has got into some sort of trouble. I cried because I feel like may be he is alone. I hope he is fine and I hope to see him soon.

P.S. Its a sheduled post. I wrote this in my hostel

awards!! :D

2011-04-20T14:00:00.000+05:30

I was awarded by et really long back V_V

Thanks et ^_^ Sorry I'm posting it now D: I was busy with school stuffs =(

Ummm I have few awards that I would like give.

Best blog award

goes to:

Shravan

The adorable blog award

goes to:

Hailey

Cheryl

Last but not the least

The Lovely blog Award

goes to:

All my 162 followers ^_^ You guys mean a lot to me. I have learn a lot through your blogs. :3 Thanks for being with me and guiding me.

"..nightmare.."

2011-04-17T03:27:00.001+05:30

A nightmare haunting my mind,

Waiting for your call and being blind.

I cried a silent tear,

for this weird fear.

I know you are in trouble,

May be you need me,

But my lips tremble.

I'll hurt you more,

and make your heart sour,

One day you'll know,

that I care,

You will miss me,

But I won't be here..

"..you won't understand.."

2011-04-15T16:00:00.002+05:30

It's not that easy as it seems,

Reality is hundred times bitter than dreams,

Thought of loosing someone close to heart,

and the one who has a vital part,

is worse than a nightmare.

I don't really show that I care,

but trust me, only I can understand that pain better.

"..I miss you more.."

2011-04-13T18:00:00.005+05:30

Its been a while since I have cried,

and I've lied,

again that I am fine,

Finally I've found the perfect line.

No enmity,

and a weird sanity in me,

Silence and distance assassinating soul,

More weird to see me, trying to discover a prior role,

Not alone anymore but still I miss you more,

Enchanting memories and primitive theories,

playing with my mind every now and then,

Now I wanna fall asleep and never wake up again.

P.S. Its a sheduled post. I wrote this poem a while back in hostel when I was missing Saket. I even cried and no that fool doesn't know that I cried for him! *sigh*

"..you'll never know.."

2011-04-11T00:42:00.000+05:30

He had never loved me,

I was being blind,

I am the one who was,

building up dreams new,

reality says no happy hue;

and now falling apart,

with a broken heart.

Its hard to breath,

suffocating truth,

keeps on hurting.

Ohh it's so sad

you'll never know,

You were something that I never had,

You go on wishing,

I don't know,

where I'm heading.

But it would be somewhere

you'll never know.

P.S. sorry I haven't been on lately. I had my board exams and then next day I went to Bhilai. For coaching?!! v.v I had my IIT exams yesterday. And I am going back to hostel again today. Would make some auto post. So my blog wouldn't be dead. Ohh btw I have got some new followers ^_^ Thanks for following me. I'll follow you back.

Choco's blah blah

2011-03-16T18:00:00.000+05:30

"..I don't want these scars to heal,

Nor to end this pain,

And untill those wounds remain,

Its going to remind me that

I am not supposed to do the same mistake again.."

"..Face death.."

2011-03-14T14:38:00.001+05:30

Terrible life has only pains,

No smile and only vain,

But I do smile,

for while.

I can't complain,

But why not?

I have already cried a lot,

I feel disgusted,

I feel frustrated,

When everything seems alright,

My mom and dad starts to fight.

I no more like my dear life,

It needs to go away,

to someone who may

lead it in a better way.

I hate you life,

I really do,

Now I have a weird desire to,

choke my breath,

and face death.

"..I dont feel home.."

2011-03-12T13:02:00.000+05:30

I would rather stay in dark than in light,
I just don't fit the bright side,
there is no one to bear my tears.
I'm being haunted by my deepest fears.
And tonight I sound low
I swear I know,
I have tried being strong,
living a nightmare all day long,
And in this tug of war,
when love seems far,
there is no sanity in wining
beneath the silver lining
from those who are my own.
I don't feel home.

"..you and ten thousand souls.."

2011-03-07T23:32:00.002+05:30

Its been a while,

And when I look back at time,

You wish it to end after sometime.

Insomia and a bit too much pain,

I know you are broken;

ten thousand souls but still no one.

But I know you are all alone,

I know it hurts,

when emotions bursts.

I know, I love you,

You know, I love you,

Memories haunts you,

and life taunts you.

Emptiness can be thrown away,

Just live life your way.

dreadful nigtmares,

can be healed if once shared.

A charm lost in crowd,

and mere soul screams loud.

Let your visions be mine,

Let all of your tears be mine,

Let me whisk you away,

from your doubts and denials,

And also the decent lies,

that you've got in your eyes.

Your name has been with me,

in sun and shower.

It won't be bitter,

not anymore,

'cause you are the one I truly adore.

P.S. This song/poem is for Brandon.

Something for Brandon

Hey Brandon! Cheer up my friend. I really can't see you like this. I swear, I really wish if I could borrow all your sorrows. I haven't written in a while so I just hope you like it. And sorry I stole your pic :| You are really nice. And you know? you are one of the amazing people I've met in my life. You are awesome. I want you to be happy. And I really hope you get to see happy days soon. Take care.

"..Bitter and Sweeter.."

2011-03-04T17:55:00.001+05:30

Cried my eyes out,

I don't why I still doubt.

There's just a bit too much pain,

May be I'm insane.

So tired of being betrayed,

So tired of being unwanted;

My heart cries,

and my soul dies.

I wish life was a fairytale,

and everything had a happy end.

And I know,

Reality is bitter,

Only dreams are sweeter..

P.S. Yeah I know I am not suppoesed to be here. I have got board exams..but I'm not feeling good these days..a lot of things got messed up..not my exams o.O which ish nice :) Wish me luck.. bye ^_^

"would anybody care?"

2011-02-09T01:04:00.002+05:30

Why you are not here,

When I'm crying my eyes out?

Why I always fall,

In such situation,

Where I have no one to share my pain?

It's not your fault,

It's mine 'cause I expected a lot.

I'm a cursed soul, you don't need to explain!

What if I just disappear?

Would anybody care?

P.S. Not happy :/

"..living again.."

2011-02-06T20:02:00.001+05:30

No heart cries except mine;

No tears speak except mine;

Broken and lost,

My mere soul in dark night.

I'm trying my best to make them smile.

I'm hiding my scars and have started

living again.

P.S. I'm still alive :) and I screwed my maths, physics and chemistry exam..(pre board exams)

I'm God's favorite toy!

2011-01-27T13:16:00.000+05:30

Eyes have cried,

but tears have dried.

The only thing left in it,

is just emptiness.

I see no life.

I see no joy.

May be God thinks,

I'm His toy.

May be that's why,

He keeps playing with my life.

He breaks me,

and makes me,

bleed.

May be I'm His favorite,

Because he never lets me,

to befriend death.

This was the fifth time when,

I called death to take me with him.

But God is being mean

and not letting me to die and be a gleam..

do not read! comments have been disabled!

2011-01-24T18:24:00.001+05:30

How I'm FEELING RIGHT NOW? I'm feeling like a crap.. why didn't I die.. I want to kill myself..Can I do it again.. No I can't..I don't keep these things in my mind.. MOM beat me again.. This time it was my fault as well as hers. I know I did wrong but it doesn't mean that she'll beat me like anything.. I'm 17.. I'm not a kid.. my wishes. my secrets, my demands have changed. I tooo have a life but they'll never understand. She used everything that she found to beat me.. iron chair, stick, lock, bunch of keys and everything.. My hands and legs hurts badly. I didn't want to write all these stuffs here. I'm sorry but tumblr blog is on maintainance or something.. I wish I could stop my tears. Why do I have to face these stuffs all alone? Why I never have anyone to share my pain. When I need my friends badly they are never there. i DON'T WANNA FEEL LIKE THIS ANYMORE.. thats why I say I'm scared to be happy. Because God and Happiness both hates me.

p.s. I know.. a few of you have read this... I have disabled the comments for this post..I dont want to talk anything about it anymore. So yeah if you are my facebook friend or you have my gmail or anything then please dont message me about it.

"I know you lie.."

2011-01-22T22:53:00.000+05:30

Scream, bleed

and never wish for whatever you need.

And you need to fear

the cruel world murdering

humanity.

Always wished for love

but gained brutality;

I don't want sanity if this

going to be my end.

Often felt like a waste of space,

failed to match the present trend.

I swear I wish for someone

to understand me and

my heart, I never wanted

to hurt just wanted to smile.

I know you saw me and

heard me crying and you say

you weren't there but hey

I know you lie,

Its right there in your eye.

Mom and dad's 18th anniversary :)

2011-01-17T23:10:00.002+05:30

Its my mom and dad's 18th anniversary :) Wanna know how I wished them today? Well I didn't have money so I didn't buy anything. I had practical exams and I'm sick so I didn't even make anything. I went in mom and dad's room give them one kiss and said "Happy anniversary" :)

I don't how is it going to be. Well till now it went all good but still I'm scared. I'm not afraid or may be I am? I don't know. But I know that I'm not the old "chocolate lover" who wanted everything best(atleast not for now). My days aren't the best but it is okay. And I have learned to live with it. Now I know that jerks will keep hating me.

Umm today was my chemistry practical(board one). And it went awesomely well :P I got the right radicals and functional group and titration too was good. LOL the good thing is I didn't throw up in the chemistry lab. Smell of chlorine, ammonia and rotten egg made me more sick.

Anyways I don't write any "happy" post 'cause everything gets messed up and I end up crying for stupid thing!

Well I won't be blogging for a while. I nedd to study. The coming days are really important for me. And my hard work would tell how my future is going to be. I have got board practicals this week and then a lot and lots of things I need to study! Hopefully I will do good.

well anyways I did a cover :) My inspiration for doing covers is Jarrod Matthew. I love him. He has got an amazing voice (:

The song is Say what you will :)
Please do tell me how it is :)

FUN!!! :D :P :O

2011-01-14T22:10:00.003+05:30

HAHAHAHAHA!! yesterday was awesome :3 Wany sir (our English teacher) is Prince's (My best friend) dad. :P And he doesn't know that Prince has a GF (Actually he knows but he pretends as if he doesn't :P) So he asked a question to Divya(Prince's GF) But she couldn't reply :P :D haha! Then he said "where's your brother.. PRINCE??!!" XDD LMAO we started giggling.. somehow we controlled ourselves and we didn't laugh for a minute. But as he left the room we all counted..1..2..3.. and started laughing XDD and kept teasing Divya for the whole day and it wasn't like this happened for the first time with Divya.

Actually "Tragedies" and Divya are just meant for each other. Last month on 22nd December, we(all gals and Tunesh) stole a peice of sodium from the chemistry lab :P And in the last period we took it out in the school ground and Divya started pouring water on it. At first it kinda started melting o.o so she kept pouring more and more :D and it exploded >.< Geez it was so scary. She was screaming in pain. That white liquid kinda thingie went in our faces and clothes and in her (Divya's) eyes!! D: We were so damn scared. But then we informed our teachers and they asked her to wash her face and eyes and after a few minutes, everything was back to normal. :)

Ohh btw, this video (ain't so long so watch it, its only of 45 sec.) was made yesterday by me. Ayush ish trying to do a stunt. The quality sucks because it was captured in Divya's cellphone :P

"..dreaming.."

2011-01-12T01:36:00.001+05:30

Wanna be a sweetheart,

and no more apart,

from you and your soul.

You make me whole.

I'm drenched in music,

and a lot rhythmic,

singing, smiling,

and dreaming.

I closed my eyes

and thought over those lies

and then I found how

this world turns cold;

only the one who is bold

survives

and everyone else dies.

I must be dreaming

thought you were whisking,

I saw you tonight,

in the low light.

And this pink mist

doesn't let me miss you the least.

Dancing on your tune,

beneath the pale moon.

And finally become yours

now, forever and ever.

Choco ish smiling :D :)

2011-01-11T01:44:00.000+05:30

Ummm okay so I've deactivated FB. I was feeling bad but I'm okay now :) LOL I'll be back soon may be :P (can't live without that "idiot") :D Aaah I'm thinking of making a youtube channel for random stuffs. I have webcam and I was told by a friend on facebook that I should make some videos :)

Anyways you won't believe, I was so damn upset 'cause of deactivating my FB account. I felt like I died :P Umm and then I decided to Youtube and listen or find some more sad stuffs :P But then I decided to watch Shane dawsons video :) Hahaha xD He ish pretty cool and awesome :D His video cheered me up and made me smile ^_^

Aaah loved him ^_^ ♥ ♥ ♥

He ish nice :D And he can cheer you up through his videos :D

He's on youtube

Well he cheered me up :P

Don't feel like writing anything more :P

Umm Good night! I'm tired now! ^_^

You have no idea how badly I am hating things around me! :(

2011-01-10T00:14:00.003+05:30

You have no idea how badly I hate things around me. I hate when He gets angry. I hate when she yells at me for no reason. I hate to see that literally I have no one who cares. I hate it when my parents get mad and "fight". I hate to know that my parents use abusive words. I'm not saying that it happens only with me. I know it happens everywhere but specially in India. May be be you too have gone through this. You know what.. I kinda don't like India anymore for this one reason. I am not saying that I "hate" it. I am saying that I don't like few facts about here.

I didn't want to cry this year but I can't help it. I'm so damn tired of these stuffs. Its 9th Jan and I had only one day when I didn't cry. I'm so not happy now. I wish if I could run from here and go somewhere else.

I don't know how to,

survive another day.

I don't know how to,

take control of my fears,

I don't know how to,

stop my tears.

I don't have wings,

I know but,

I want to fly and glow.

I'm caged in thoughts,

care and love.

Questions linger in mind,

"Am I ever going to have,

my guardian angel?

Am I ever going to meet,

someone special?"

I don't know, seems like,

life won't change,

and remain the same.

I have no where to go;

and when I feel alone,

I go out in the balcony,

sometimes sit in the stair case,

put the music on,

sing the song and pretend

that I'm not listening.

Tears run down and,

I keep hating God,

and Myself.

Situations and their talk,

makes me think that,

I am a curse and,

It gets more worse.

I guess I'll deactivate my FB account. Umm there is no need of FB right now. And I don't know a lot of people out there. I don't really talk to them nor they talk to me. And for the first time when I decided to do so, I didn't really get any reaction from any of my "friends" there except one and I didn't delete it that time. This time I'm not going to tell anyone about this!

Hate the way, that one person keeps ignoring me on fb and gets off whenever I want to talk. =|

"I know and I wish"

2011-01-09T16:26:00.000+05:30

"..In life, everything feels like the end of the world. But it's not; it's just the beginning. You might have to meet a few more jerks, but one day you're gonna meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Like the sun rises and sets with you.."

"..This time my heart don't shatter.."

2011-01-09T02:15:00.002+05:30

Close your eyes,

Fall in illusion,

dream around and,

Sing to the sun..

Bear all your pain and,

secrets in your heart...

These feelings are,

taking control of me,

and I don't know how to,

let it go but I know,

this feeling is echanting

heading towards

Lurking danger.

And it's so hard to,

be around you only as a,

friend when my feelings,

have changed...

When I'll cry I won't,

make a sound,

so you don't wake up...

I'll walk all alone,

think about you and,

your words...

And I'll just wish,

that this time,

my heart don't shatter!

P.S Pre board exams gonna start from 27th Jan.

Jealous and angry, Messed up mood!!

2011-01-08T01:18:00.001+05:30

Tunesh lied. And I'm so angry. He is my best friend and he is so not supposed to lie!! :| Aaah he called me up asked me if I am going to Anisha's birthday party.

Me: Party? ummm not, not been invited!

He: hmm, same. I am not going either and I just came to know about the party from someone.

Me: ohh okay.

But ACTUALLY he did go for the party and didn't tell me a thing? WHY did he lie?? (=.=||) Aaah I cried. Wow! He seriously doesn't like her(he told me that) then why the hell he went for the party!! And on my birthday? He wished me around 1 pm. And he didn't even came to my party! I had to celebrate it all alone. :( It sucks!! Why it always happens to me? Omg.. Is he going to backstab me? He is just like anyone else in my life! I seriously don't remember a thing that he did for me. He really did nothing for me. He'll never do. He didn't even say a thing when he found that I had cut my wrist and didn't even care to ask why I did so? Even my parents don't know a thing. They haven't even seen my scars.

No one is ever going to care.

And when I'll die,

The only thing I'll leave behind,

would be tears in their eye,

and not my absence in their life.

P.S. don't tell me that I have my parents who care for me 'cause I know how my life is like. Its crappy!! And it will always remain the same.

Vanity

2011-01-07T00:02:00.000+05:30

Loves the way dreams

turn their path,

sometimes they seem close

sometimes at infinity

I wish If I could find my sanity

and I don't know why

I have this vanity!

P.S.I was awarded by Kelvin a few backs! ^_^ This award ish "You inspire me" award :3

Thank you kelvin ^_^ You ish awesome :) But you know, You are one of those amazing person who inspires me ^_^ You are the best :3 *hugs*

Ohhh btw, I want to pass this award to all those 153 people who are following my blog ^_^

Thank you so much for being with me. You are the only one who inspires me to write ^_^

"..If I'm lucky.."

2011-01-04T23:42:00.000+05:30

Smile slowly fades away

And tears run down my eyes

All I need is A tight hug,

Assuring me security.

All these hues,

looks warm and pretty,

Disappearing in my own thoughts.

Scars, bruises and slit wrist reminds me,

of the past and I found myself to be a fool.

I live in a world that turns cold,

and I've a heart that is sore.

The only thing in this bitterness.

is my friends but even if

I'm with them I still feel alone and lost.

No words can describe me and my emotions,

Black is beautiful and

white is grave.

Hopes peeking through the sky

and rumours assassinating it day by day!

Life has always been harsh

to me and to the people in my life.

And now I'll shut my eyes

dream of twilight

and if I'm lucky

I'll wake up breathing over again

to live my another chance.

Secret

2011-01-02T23:12:00.000+05:30

"..Sometimes I cry just to hear you saying,

it'll be okay.."

P.S.Haha, I'm happy today. I'm feeling cute. I sang and danced (though I am bad at both) And I laughed a lot xD. Felt like crying twice but I didn't. I'll sleep early today. I smiled. I'm enjoying. I'm thinking about stuffs.

start of the year?

2011-01-01T20:22:00.000+05:30

I went to bed at 5:30 am today! Yeah I was up for the whole night and I also cried bit. Today morning, my mom started yelling at me for no reason. It was all my bro's fault. Woke up at 7:30 am again for tutions. And when I reached there, sir told me that he is not going to take any class today since it ish New year!! (Heck! I ruined my sleep and woke up only for this?)

And when I was going back home, I met Simran, told her that there's no tution. Then we decided to go to Aastha's place :) We were talking about stuffs but we didn't wish each other (we forgot :P) We met PPG, he didn't believe us and went but then after few mins he came back :)

Aaaah this tooth ache ish annoying me :| And my hair ish looking lame :| I went to sleep and when I woke up, mom again started yelling! At 2:30 pm Srishti called me to ask if I want to go to Sanjay kanan for new year celebration and guess what My mom and dad didn't let me go again!! Gahhh I hate my life :| Well they think that I'm spending more time in movies and stuffs but its so not TRUE!!

Anyways, I cried. I switched off my cell phone and later I came to know that even Srishti and Anubha didn't go! xD

New year ^_^

2011-01-01T02:51:00.003+05:30

Aaaah I don't know how the coming year ish going to be. Well no one knows. Umm i'll be leaving my school, my friends, my parents, my home and a lot more. I was happy earlier :D 'cause of the awesome day I had yesterday :) I got new haircut, I was high. I had chocolate pastry :D And I went to the mall and luckily got the last AIEEE's form :) I won't say that I'm not happy. I'm happy but not like the way I before. It'll be 1.1.11 in a few mins. I was about to cry today v.v but this person on FB chat popped in!! well lets sum up some stuffs that I did in 2010:

-cried a lot.

-got the title of CRY BABY

-Joined FB, MYB and other social sites :|

-Met a lot of awesome people(includes you)

-messed up my 11th result.

-did good in 12th(still doing)

-rose as an artist :)

-I told my best friends that how much I love them and what they mean to me. :D

-Tried to start everything again with Kritika but she screwed it up v.v

-Me and Saket became close friend.. best friend actually but he screwed everything and now we are not even friends. I hate him but I miss him like hell o.o

-became the house captain of yellow house. :)

-befriended Divya and a lot of people.

-Me and Simran are soul sisters now :3

-I fought with Tunesh a lot :D BFF!!

-oh well Finally I learnt how to make coffee(Yeah just a couple of minutes back)

-a couple of blogger friends became my really close friends :D

-I made friends from all over the world :P

-A lot of friends on FB and real life moved from single to in a relationship :|

-Wrote more than 200 blog posts this year.

-Well its 12 so first of all HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!

-Sorry, lets start again :P umm I wrote a note on FB xD

-Maths became my fav. subject again, :)

-Bahahaha I'm crying (sorry)

-I met with accidents. 6 actually which is better than those of 2009

-Got a lot of scars v.v

-Attempted Suicide thrice that too just in one month. (failed@all)

-Now don't look at me like that.

-Add me on twitter, FB, gmail where you want but if'you'll tell me about God and stuffs. I'll block you :)

-okay it started with stuffs in 2010 but its going somewhere else xD I should stop!!

Oh btw my new year resolutions for this time would be:

-less tears

-drive safely

-less chocolates

-more study

-enjoy life

-and try not to do any sucide attempts!

Happy new year everyone ^_^!!

I'm happy?

2010-12-29T20:58:00.002+05:30

Plenty of fears

to deal with and

to win over.

Misty eyes always lie

say "I'm happy" and

you never deny?

No one's mine

No one's here.

I wish you were

Just a

bit more near.

I'm being happy

and I'm faking a smile.

My heart's been torn

and I know not when and where!

I want you to
come back just once

I'm standing there

where you had left me.

P.S. Just not in mood today.. feel like crying.. well i already did today. Well I made a video. o.o Its lame.. I was just trying..

Stuffs

2010-12-29T04:26:00.000+05:30

So this is nothing seriously. I'm going to write about stuffs.

-I hate holidays. I seriously hate holidays. I get bored at home. I either quarrel/fight with my bro or with my mom. -I miss mr. Selfish badly. Ummm he texted me yesterday saying sorry but it was a mass send :| So I didn't reply!

-I'm sick.

-Before winter holidays, we found a love letter in Simran's Practical notebook. Pooh wrote that letter for Mr. selfish but unfortunately "We" read that letter before him!! :P Bahahaha we are so evil :P Well she wrote everything in it O.O About their first date, touch, kiss and also more than that!! O_O Ewww it was creepy. Bahaha good thing I didnt throw up after reading that :P "Shona" and "Janu" gave me headache.. Why don't they simply take each others name? Why Shona and Janu? v.v Anyways they both stopped coming to the school :P Mr. Selfish comes but his Girlfriend doesn't!! :P and Mr. Selfish has stopped talking to any girl in the class!! lmao

-I was thinking of deactivating my Facebook account. But I won't!! Reason: an idoit over there :P

-Aaaahh btw its 4:20 am and I haven't slept yet D: I'm a bit hungry now!! v.v

-I'm back on twitter :)

-I miss Mr. Selfish v.v I really do but he was the one who screwed everything between us!! (I know I'm writing this again but I really MISS him. He was my bestfriend)

-Aaaah I need AIEEE form v.v !!

-Ohh btw I love Jarrod Matthew :P He is a cover artist. He ish amazing :o and awesome o.o and cute and adorable :3 Bahaha.. I keep watching his videos on youtube :P And I'm thinking of doing some covers too.. hehe.. Atleast I should try once o.o Lets see if can sing or not!! o;

"..Be my angel.."

2010-12-27T11:02:00.000+05:30

Seasons change and stars fall.

May be I don't know all.

Days growing longer and

Nights growing shorter,

But I know I'll be okay.

And I won't walk away,

I'll face all and try my best,

I'll always trust

you and your words

like that.

Make me a wish

and I'll be yours forever.

And I promise you won't see

tears in my eyes ever.

Be my angel and make me special,

My heart would weep never.

Christmas Party??

2010-12-25T23:33:00.001+05:30

Weeee It was pretty great o.o Never thought that Mom would let me go for the so called "tiny miny Christmas party" at Srishti's place xD

Me and Simran bought a snow globe for Srishti and Anubha. It was really awesome ^_^

This was my First christmas and I'll always remember this. We then headed to Anubha's place.. And then to Atul's place ^_^

It was pretty awesome :3 It got a bit screwed up though.. Anubha's dad was kinda drunk and we (Me and Simran) were kinda scared. And then we left soon XD

Well It was all okay. Stuffs happen =] Anubha kinda felt bad I guess but She doesn't have to.

"..Christmas wish.."

2010-12-25T00:06:00.000+05:30

Its christmas.. and I am still sad. The smile on my face is a fake one. I hope if I could really stay happy. Why my wishes never come true? Am I too bad? Hmm I'm listening to Fall for you. And I like his voice. =] I have no idea why I am feeling sad.

Dear Santa,

My christmas wishes are different from others. There are some questions in my mind which makes me cry. I only need their answers and also something more than that.

I want to know why She did become so mean? Why does she lie everytime we meet her? Why does she hate us? What will she get by doing so? Why did she become so special to me and Why did she make me cry?

Why mr. Selfish hates me? Why did he come so close to me? Why did he stop me from crying? Why did he do stuffs only to make me smile? Why was he ashamed of hosting Teacher's day with me? If we were best friends then why did my height matters to him? After making me laugh and smile why did he left me like that? Why is he giving me tears now?

Why for my best friends, their Girlfriends are more important than me? Why didn't they get mad, why they didn't slap me when I stopped eating and also when they saw the cut on my wrist?

Why I have no one to tell me I am not alone? :( My christmas wish is:

I want an Angel to guide me and be with me. I want to meet someone really special. I want Mr. selfish back as my friend. I want my best friends to care for me. I want Her to be the way she was earlier. I want my mom and dad to trust me. I want my brother to be sweet just like the way when he was 5 years old.

I wish If I could be happy... =[

"..why she hates.."

2010-12-24T00:52:00.000+05:30

Still confused,

to see her like this.

Why is she still mad at

her life like that?

Hates God but still she hopes,

Someone from the blue,

would come in her life.

She endures every pain,

cuts herself, proof is

the scars on her wrist

but still in her eyes

you can't find the mist..

P.S. thats not my hand(v__v)

Its a new "me"

2010-12-22T23:36:00.000+05:30

=] I don't know.. I feel sleepy and tired. I am so damn tired of crying. Arghh.. don't even feel like living. I just wonder why Colby said that I am special? and How did he know about the stuffs happening to me? Am I really special? If yes then why didn't I get anything special? If no then Why I didn't die? I hate "me" because I know a lot of people who hate me and I don't know why?! My face is an open book. I don't feel safe anymore. I am scared. And do you know whatever I want? Umm a tight hug from someone. I want someone to hug me and tell me that I am not alone and they'll be with me forever.

Anonymous life =]

2010-12-22T00:44:00.001+05:30

I want to live anonymously again. It was all awesome when I was an anonymous to the virtual world. You were not knowing me. I was not knowing you. I have deleted my MYB account. And I guess I'll delete FB too. =]

I tried to cut my wrist again yesterday. I didnt feel anything. I was just crying. Arghhh darn it! Why the hell I didn't die! Mom doesn't know anything about it.

"..still alive.."

2010-12-19T21:39:00.000+05:30

"..I'm still alive, smiling, dreaming

and breathing and you know what even

the earth is firm beneath my feet.."

THATS how it looked on saturday

2010-12-13T21:18:00.000+05:30

Yeah I know, I'm insane. I told my friends 'bout this at school (only girls though) Well I showed my hand to Prince and he went mad. And also to Tunesh but even he wanted to do the same o.O He broke his cell phone. =] Not eating properly. Skipping breakfast and lunch and sometimes dinner. I have no reply. I don't want to tell you that why I did so. When Tunesh saw my hand, he was like " Did your mom see that?" I said "nope" He again: Then what's the use of this thing?.. Hmm well I didn't do this to show her or anyone.

"..choco's blah blah.."

2010-12-12T12:43:00.000+05:30

"..I don't know.. if it matters you much,

The truth is, my life is such.

For a live to make them smile,

I don't care if I have to cry for a while.

I know that you don't care,

and I know won't be here..."

Dear God, I hate you! :|

2010-12-11T19:05:00.001+05:30

I tried to cut my wrist today. But then I cut my hand. Why she has to be like this? It was so embarrassing, my younger brother's friend was here and Mom abused me, yelled and beat me again. She almost stabbed me with a knife. I got a cut on my right foot. Argh.. I'm not a kid, I'm 17 and she cannot treat me like this. I swear, I'm not going to anything. She doesn't know 'bout me cutting my hand not even about the cut on my foot that i got 'cause of her. And don't worry, 'cause I'm ok.. My hand didn't bleed much. I went for a movie 'cause I didn't want to stay at home. Watched Band baja Baraat with Srishti, Shruti and Divya and movie was quiet good. =]

"..If only they.."

2010-12-10T13:46:00.002+05:30

If only I could escape this place,

I'd go anywhere

to live my life in my own way

with no boundations .

I can not fly,
but soon I will die,
What if they didn't let me go,
I'd end my life?
I hate being cocooned in their love,

Frustrating and suffocating is their care,
And I know He is being unfair.
And now no hopes but only dreams
are spared in my life ..

I'm no more a sweet teenager (T^T)

2010-12-10T13:06:00.001+05:30

It looked so awesome o.o Weather was damn so good. It was all foggy when I woke up at 5:30 am for tutions. I couldn't see anything. :P Went school but my "awesome" mom and bro ruined my mood.

I hate them! Sometimes I feel like I'm their step daughter/sister. We had PTM (Parents teacher meeting) today after 11:00 am. It's so embarrassing (-__-) Everyone's mom keep praising their daughter but my mom talks like "achche marks nahi aye toh sadna yahi. Koi college.. kuch nahi!!" And she said this to my class teacher even!!

If she wanted to say all these stuffs then why didn't she tell me at home? Why did she embarrass me in the school? I got 84% and I wanna know, is it bad? Last time it was only 61% (v__v) and Yesh!! My mom says I don't study at home.

My life is so bitter and I'm no more a sweet teenager who used it pen her feelings silently and never let anyone know the worse side of her life. I'm saying stuffs 'bout my mom and bro. =[ Eeeehhh (T^T) I love you mom =/ I'm sorry for saying so. I'm just mad.

choco's blah blah!!!

2010-12-08T23:44:00.001+05:30

"..Life is sometimes bitter,

sometimes sweet but,

I am still alive,

making the earth firm

beneath my feet.."

"..school stuffs and life.."

2010-12-08T22:57:00.001+05:30

I feel good. =] I'm surprising everyone in my class. I haven't cried since my birthday. Craps still happening in my life. Kritika started talking to me. o.O She ish definately the one who wants me to die. Wow!! Does she know how the hell I survived. How I felt? =/ I would have killed myself seriously. errrr its good I guess 'cause she was wrong. =]

Its cold and raining. >.> but I want it to snowww >_< It never snow-ed here in Chhattisgarh. We were hugging and cuddling in the class. xD Umm yesterday, I quarreled with Tunesh. Arghhh yes I felt annoyed. Am I getting jealous of Pooja? Yesterday and even today, I kinda didn't like it when he talked to her. And my friends started calling me Sheela ki beti!! O.O Yesh my mommy's name is Sheela v.v !! And I found "My name is Sheela, Sheela ki jawani.." written on the last page of Meraj's notebook.>.> ?

They love to tease me and I love getting teased :P

Wearing hoodies these days ^_^ I love hoodies ♥ bahaha I look like penguin in winter o.o !! Oh well, a weird thing happened today. While coming back from school, I just felt that Saket ish somewhere near and when we reached near the Fuel station.. I saw him o.o and he saw me o.o and I don't know why I smiled back at him!! v.v We are not friends anmore. I want to hate him but I can't stop caring for him. And If you are thinking about the so called poem "..Last night.." on my blog, then yesh It was really ME and those stuffs had happened to me.

Anyways, I kinda feel sick now. Already have headache and I feel like throwing up (~_~) Umm this time I wanna celebrate christmas with Srishti, Anubha and everyone. But I guess the plan won't work =/ Just a month and then no more school >_< !! Eeeh I need a time machine >.> ? Anyone listening? I really need a time machine. I wanna live those moments again! =[

"..an atheist.."

2010-12-05T19:27:00.000+05:30

"..I'm just so empty, my heart and soul, are seeking insanity.

I'm walking towards infinity, I am an atheist, I believe in deeds,

I don't fear God; I did nothing wrong; I cry all alone but still not alone.."

Last night..

2010-12-04T00:37:00.001+05:30

Last night, my bro was annoying me,

i took his cell phone

and he bit my hand,

I screamed and mom came

Yelled at me and my bro,

She didn't say much to my bro

But she was just yelling and yelling at me.

She called me bitch,

A slut and other stuffs..

Just 'cause I don't help her in household work,

and also because I stay online late nights?

I ignored her and went in my room,

But she told me that she regrets for,

Giving me birth and said "you should die"

She told me, I'm ugly, fat and short,

and I bring badluck to the family!

and then I told her that she should kill me,

Did I do anything wrong?

Then why did she start hitting me?

With a leather belt and she kept cursing me.

She was knowing I had an accident,

like a week ago?

She thinks it was all my fault,

She thinks I'm so careless but that's how

Kids are, aren't they?

She was aware of my pain and

bodyache that I had already.

But she hit my head against the wall,

I tried to run but she seized me,

pulled my hair, dragged me and started

hitting my head again; I was sreaming;

but she didn't listen,

She tried to shut my mouth,

So she kicked my face,

It started bleeding; I got cut in my lips,

It looks all red from inside.

She beat me as if i'm an animal,

And you know what according to me

Even animals are not treated like this.

P.S. In the last 35 hours, I only had burrito :/

"..I'm drunk.."

2010-12-02T01:30:00.000+05:30

I'm drunk and I'm high;

I'm still alive and I do sigh;

I remember those memories,

Sinking stars and secret dairies.

My head is full of stuffs useless,

It won't be wrong if they call it a mess.

Tears roll down my cheeks but I feel no pain,

No one could see me crying; thanks to this rain.

and now I am dancing like an insane tonight,

and beneath the silvery light;

It's me and my lonliness,

yes, I ain't any princess

but I am someone,

cursing her fortune.

Updates!! ^_^

2010-12-01T17:07:00.000+05:30

29th November: We didn't win any match. :3 Yellow house didn't even reach the finals d(-_-)b don't have players D; Though we lost but I was happy 'cause I enjoyed alot :D and everyone else was thinking that I have gone mad :O :P I sh so freaking dead <.< One more thing D: kritika's eye ish bleeding o.O and most of them went to her place to see if she ish okay :O and suchita took my scooty and you know what.. she broke the mudguard!! d(-_-)b Now my scooty sounds like khrrrrr khrrrr!! O.o

30th November: weee awesome o.o.. I had a great day o.O we won xD yesh yesh yellow house won :3 we reached the finals of wheel race both boys and girls but we lost :P its okay ^_^ then we had some sorta dispute between the house leaders o.o and blue house were almost disqualified O.o but we sort it out soon ^_^ and continued with the rests. We had some minus markings too <.< and we reduced other houses' points too xP bahahaha then we had junior dodge ball for girls and we reached final again o.o and we lost :P and then senior girls doodge ball :3 and we reached finals again and yesh I was in the team :P aT FIRST WE HAD A TIE AND THEN TIE BREAKER MATCH AND THIS TIME WE WON ^_^ I was damn tired and I might have collapsed in the ground. o.o but somehow i reached my class and i fell asleep :P My head was hurting badly and my legs too >.> I never run but yesterday I did :O And Barkha hit my head with ball accidently <.< lol xD It was awesome lol. Everyone laughed but its okay xD I went home and collapsed on my bed. Can't believe I didn't eat anything and I played well o.o and won the match too :D Well other house members were happy for me and my house.. Really happy, more happy than me! :3

P.S. I'm sorry that I couldn't visit your blog in time. I am busy with my school stuffs and sports. And my knee hurts like hell and it looks horrible. I can't even walk! >.<

don't read :P

2010-11-28T10:38:00.002+05:30

My knee hurts badly T_T and its still bleeding.. Arghh.. well today ish sunday and I gotta go to school for preparing stuffs for annual sports o.o Oh yeah I am the captain of yellow house. But I have been hurt, and I don't know how the hell 'am I going to play!!? I'm not much into sports but I play dodge n' ball and Shot put!

This time we are going to have kabbbadi and kho too o.O I don't know 'bout kho.. 'cause I never played it in my life 'till now o.o And I am not in mood of playing either ^_^ Guys gonna have cricket and table tennis. We were supposed to have Football but due to some reasons and also lack of time, it's been removed from the list.

Arghh I'm so angry at her :| She doesn't trust me. She broke my cell phone (T^T) She should kill me if she doen't trust me ^_^ Arghh.. thats why I didn't want to grow up. I'm seventeen and I'm still being hit. The only thing ish, I just let it be. Now I don't cry for whole day like before. I have got IIT's form and I have been told by my mom that I won't be allowed to appear the exam if I get Bhilai or some other place as my centre! Lame ain't it? Why did they even do "meherbani" on me? For doing anything that I want, I have to listen to their blah blah!!

Komal is lame lol. Yesterday she WAS doing some work and Meraj was going somewhere :P and she was like "Meraj Sunno na!!" Ohh geez lol who the hell talks like that to their class mates?? :P

I hope everything goes well! And I know My house gonna loose :3 Just wanna enjoy :D the time with friends! Yup yup sports gonna start tomorrow :3 hehe! I don't know what Saket gonna do 'cause he hates me and I feel like he's going to do something which won't be good for our house. And may be won't even come to play!! (v__v||)

choco's blah blah!!

2010-11-25T21:54:00.001+05:30

"..Stealing my tears, getting over my fears,

staring at my dreams and this time no one screams.
I feel home, I feel secure,
They don't let me cry so how can I die?
Hands in hands, we walk together and
I just know we gonna stay like this forever.."

P.S. thanks for caring ^_^ my knee ish still hurting and started bleeding again o.o.. haha I was thinking 'bout yesterday haha.. it was really fun :P and I loved to see them scared specially Meraj! :O

3rd accident! :O

2010-11-24T23:56:00.002+05:30

3rd accident for this year so far. Well last year, I used to have 1 accident every month so I guess its not too bad :P !! In pain right now. My knee ish still bleeding v_V I haven't told this to Tunesh 'cause I know he'll be mad at me. :O And yet again it wasn't my fault. Actually after Maths tution, me, PPG, Neeraj and Meraj were going back home together. We didn't stop at our "Adda" today. The other guys were still there but we left. Me and Neeraj were ahead and Meraj and PPG were behind us.

I was riding really slow since Neeraj was on cycle and PPG too 'cause Meraj was on cycle. But suddenly, I don't know what the heck happened but Meraj came in front of me and then dang!!! CRASH!! lol :P I fell, and my favorite blue jeans was torn and my knee was bleeding. At that time I was unable to stand. :O Neeraj helped me to stand up lol XD, and in no time other guys (Prince, Kishan, Pankaj, Manish, Manni and Praveen) came to us. Meraj was holding me o.o and was supporting me :P

It was dark(no street lights).. o.o so since every wanted to see the wound and also wanted to know if I'm okay they used their bike's headlight lol :P It was paining like hell O_O And then Meraj and others kinda argued and were like "we should take her to docs." and some were saying "Geez! yup she needs a doctor!" and Me: "eehh no! I'm okay. Its not too deep." Actually I hate doctors and was scared too. and after that

Meraj: chal main tere ko ghar chod deta hu! But me was stubborn and I was saying: Nahi yaar pagal hai kya? kuch nhi hua. Main chale jaungi!

Meraj again: Tu chal baith piche, main chod deta hu. And this continued :o But I won. haha. :P I was still in pain. v_V !!

We headed to my home. And it kinda looked funny. It was only me and the guys were looking my body guards :P Fun! But then only Prince came with me to my home. We both lied and told that some crazy naughty guy came on my way and I fell and the guys beat him for this!! XD Mom medicated it. But its still paining and bleeding. V___V

P.S. weird o.o Me and Meraj don't really talk. o.O He never took my name! o_O

What I did today? o.o

2010-11-23T21:56:00.000+05:30

Hmm nothing special.. I was up for the whole night o.o but still missed the tution 'cause I was damn tired. Reached school in time. English test was well :) I was thinking 'bout mark for the whole day. I am really worried for him. Two periods of physics are annoying. :| PPG was slapped by Tiwari sir. Actually, PPG, Ayush, Tunesh, Saket, Meraj, Pankaj, Neeraj and others decided to join two rows of desks together. :P Tiwari got mad o.o and punished them :P He made them to kneel down on the floor for 2 periods :P Though Tunesh escaped it soon :P Umm I was completing my Physics notes in first three periods :) We did chemistry practicals and it was fun XD Specially the test for Nickel o.o The test tube looked awesome o.o.. Simran's hand burned 'cause of concentrated H2SO4 , We put NH4OH on her hand XD but it was still burning o.o.. Hmmm Hindi was boring and annoying like always. We laughed a lot in Games Period haha! :P And went to Kindergarten section after ages o.o, Saket was just saying "selfish" whenever I passed by o.o !! And he came on my way twice :P lame haha! :3 I came back home and had "Palak paneer" :)) I was about to lay on my bed but before that I texted Mark.I don't remember anything after that.. I just collapsed o.O

"get a life!!"

2010-11-23T17:04:00.001+05:30

Why do you judge people without knowing them? How can you do so? Did you ever thought 'bout their feelings. So what if the person is bisexual or Gay? So what if they dress weirdly? So what if they can't speak properly? Why does it matter to you if they are black or white? Why do we still have racial discrimination? The bisexuals and Gays are human too right? They too have right to live and enjoy and have relationship. The black race can be the most honest person and the white could be a cheater. The person wearing cheap clothes could be the rich one and the one with expensive wardrobe could be poor. The ugliest looking person could be the most amazing person in the world and the prettiest could be lame and ugly from inside. We always blame others that they are being mean to Indians. But before blaiming them, why don't you look at your own self, your people and your country? Why the heck it creeps you out if I am a non vegitarian? Why? :( Non-vegitarians are human too. Why can't you understand this? My neighbours are of same sort. They don't talk to us nicely just 'cause we are bangalis and we are non vegitarians. And recently on FB too. I feel lame. You are damn so literate and older than me but still if it still bothers you then the one who ish lame ish YOU not me! I have friends who are bisexual and I don't give a damn to what you think. Yeah I'm a non vegetarian but it doesn't mean we eat whatever that moves!! sucks!!! Just go and get a life!

don't give a damn to this title thingie!

2010-11-23T02:21:00.001+05:30

I am so pissed off. Why do people die? :/ I'm missing harpreet again. I cried a while ago. Mark deleted his MYB account and I guess deactivated his FB account too :/ Mylor and Mark broke up and Mark just ate a lot of chocolates. My head hurts badly now. Its 2 am and I'm up writing this post, hating God and cursing. Why do they hate me? I meant by Kritika and Saket.. =/ I befriended Riya and Divya. We are sorta good friends now. On the other hand, I have even stopped looking at Saket. :/ I was studying for the whole day and late night, my bo pissed me off. I am going to stay up for the whole night and anyways, I have got tution after 3 hours so I guess I'll be studying again. :| I'm kinda mad at mom and dad too. I'm such a looser. I just can't do anythng. Its 23rd November and I haven't got the IIT form yet! Heck someone please get me a form somehow, I'll love you forever. My parents are so lame and mean, they can't even get me a form to appear IIT and they want me to be an ENGINEER awesome v.v !! Feeling really alone right now.

"..little Princess.."

2010-11-21T21:25:00.001+05:30

No bluffing, no playing,

'cause she has a little naive heart.

No wings, no robes,

she's still a little angel.

No beauty, no grace,

But still she's a little princess.